The Deaf Project-Flying in Virtual Silence-#2

#2 Flying in Virtual Silence

By Kelly Murray

My 7yr old son and I were dropped off at SEATAC around 10pm Tues., Feb. 28^th for our flight leaving at 8am Wed. morning. We arrived early because my husband works graveyard shift at the Air Force base and he drove us. The plan was to stay in the USO lounge (traveling military) accommodations overnight where we could be comfortable and rest a little before flying. It has free food and comforts of home. I had purchased tickets by phone to get the best deal on a last minute flight; however, our seats were not next to each other. Thus began the Deaf Project #2, Flying in Virtual Silence.

I had taught my son many signs over the last few years; but we used them only for quick and quiet conversation such as needing him to “stop now!” if he was acting out in public or to ask if he had to use the bathroom while at the movie theatre. I had also taught him the ASL alphabet but he was just learning to read and spell so that was not going to help a whole lot. The biggest hurdle however; was that he is ADHD and very talkative… how in the world would he be able to stay silent the whole time? As we approached the Delta ticketing area, I found a safe spot nearby for him to sit with his suitcase and backpack and play with his DS, while I attempted to get our seats changed so we could sit together. I pulled out our tickets and my tiny notepad and pen. I had to be visually aware since I would not be able to hear an agent call me to their spot. Finally it was my turn. I placed my tickets and military ID on the counter and showed her a note that said to check my bag for free and please find us seats together. I pointed to JoJo sitting down nearby. She began to make pleasant facial gestures to me as she typed away. Then she asked another agent for assistance by telling her that I wanted to sit with my grandson. JoJo is adopted and I am old enough to be his grandma, but I am his mother; however, I could not correct her mistake since technically I did not hear her comment. Next came the misreading of my military ID card. She read the back and said to the other agent that I was on military orders and so my bag was free. Now, I do think all military get one bag free anyway; but I was not on orders even if it mattered, and I could not correct that mistake either.  Virtual silence rendered my relationship and military status unimportant for the task at hand.

Even though we would have to wait to get seats together until the morning at the gate, we did get directions to the USO. JoJo was catching on to not talking to me and doing great with our “Deaf Game”. I reminded him of some signs he had forgotten and taught him some new ones out of necessity and learning “on the fly” became easier and easier, especially since no one actually knew I was signing to him – remember, no talking to mommy, just signs ok? It was like a special bonding between us. Virtual silence meant we had a secret language and that was cool!

Finally, we reached the USO lounge on the Mezzanine level. It was a long walk down a balcony type walkway where we could see the shops below. The last time I had been there was some 26 years ago with my first born son. We had only been visiting WA then, showing him off to the grandparents and needed a place to wait since we missed our initial flight out. We were returning to MI to stay with my family while his daddy finished a year-long tour of King Salmon, Alaska. A quarter of a century later, it remained; a haven, a home away from home for weary travelers. I loved all the “we support our troops” and “thank you for all you do” drawings from school age children that decorated the walls. It was stocked with donuts, coffee, fruits, and a cooler full of sandwiches and sodas.

Anyway, the older gentleman at the USO seemed rattled as I approached his desk signing to JoJo that we needed to stay here til our plane left in the morning. He smiled nervously and pointed to the computer sign in screen and the keyboard. Then he got us luggage tags while simultaneously speaking everything he was doing, focused on JoJo who was interpreting for him. It worked like a charm. JoJo answered him politely and handed me the tags pointing to the room where the bags needed to go. In the middle of the night, after I had written out and stamped some cards to mail, I turned to a woman for directions to a mailbox. She tried at first to gesture directions, then decided to just take me to it. Good thing too, because it was a painted purple square with a slot, on a wall, under a staircase. A very difficult description of a mailbox even for an accomplished signer! Many volunteers and military personnel came and left throughout the night and they all were kind without too much staring. They also always told the next volunteer that the lady over there was Deaf and her boy was sleeping. This prompted offers of food and drink every couple hours. Funny, if I were Hearing they wouldn’t have told others – hey, over there is a Hearing lady and her sleeping son! Virtual silence labeled me as different and in need of recognition for possible assistance.

Waiting to board in the morning I noticed a most colorful individual. He was a large black man with amazing dreadlocks. He was wearing a Boston Celtics 16 Time Champion green leather jacket covered in patches for each victory. The rest of his outfit consisted of a red shirt sporting a different team logo and a yellow backpack a bit on the small side for his frame. This was topped off with large yellow headphones with red skulls on them – wow! We had exchanged pleasant gestures regarding waiting to board the plane and when the agent finally arrived to help with getting us seats together, she addressed him and he told her I was first. She accomplished the task without much reaction to the situation, as matter-of-factly, like she gets Deaf passengers every day. Virtual silence felt normal.

The next incident worthy of notation is when we were on board the plane and the stewardess should have taken notice of my being Deaf when she helped me find a place for my son’s carry-on bag; but apparently she did not remember that when they began the safety briefing. As a seasoned traveler, I did take out the safety placard from the seatback and looked it over. When the announcement came on to turn all phones off however; I was actively texting my family. A stewardess came by and verbally reminded us to turn off our phones. I continued to text. A different steward (male) came down the aisle and got my attention to tell me as he motioned to me about the phone. I simply closed it shut. When the stewardess returned she asked him if I had turned my phone off and he lied and said he saw me power it down. I don’t know why he did that unless the anxiety of trying to convey to me the difference between shutting the phone and powering it down was just too much. Virtual silence made me exempt from the rules and a possible safety hazard due to ASL anxiety.

The rest of the flight was pretty uneventful. When the stewardess offered drinks I wrote down my choice and my son asked for snacks. When he received the wrong snack, I obviously did not know what he was saying… but the passenger to my left got the stewardess’ attention and told her of his choice and she handed him the peanuts. Then I realized what he said. He did not sign to me of the wrong snack because his communication was with the stewardess; unfortunately he was not loud enough. It’s hard to be silent one moment with your mom and then shout to get a bag of peanuts! Virtual silence meant my son had to become a CODA (Child of Deaf Adult) and he was a real trooper!

Some other memories worth mentioning: There was this one steward on my return flight that thought the closer her got to my face, the easier reading his lips would be! Good thing he did not have bad breath! And there was this one gate agent that I asked about upgrading to first class seating; but when I began by signing the ASL sign for curious… she thought I meant I just couldn’t talk! I had a devil of a time getting her to realize I couldn’t hear after that… but first class seats are too expensive and I am not a gold member so it was all just for more practice. I also had my husband bring me a bag full of blank greeting cards I had stored in a drawer at home. When he arrived to pick us up, I ran them up to the USO and donated them to the currently empty basket with a sign taped to the front that said – Free Cards Please Use. I had typed a thank you for your hospitality message on my cell phone’s note pad that also told that I was donating the cards because I had plenty and it was a good way to show my appreciation to the USO and the military that pass through. It was lengthy so I thought my phone was a better choice than a dozen small squares from my note pad and easier for them to understand than my gesturing it all since JoJo was not with me. Silence, virtual or literal, should never be an excuse for rudeness, and I am not saying that the Deaf are a rude group of people. However; I do know that they are often perceived to be rude by those who do not realize someone is Deaf and expect a certain response from them. I also know some Deaf people think it is the Hearing world’s problem and that it is on the Hearing person to figure out a way to better understand and communicate. Communication is a two way street. If I were Deaf, I would do my best to make communication go easily and smoothly for better relationship building. Many Deaf people I have met at events are happy to help teach ASL to anyone interested and often give intimate details of their lives to strangers because that’s how the expressive language and culture works.

I attempted to write this paper not only in proper English; but more importantly, with good ASL descriptions and background scenes which are necessary as a culturally integrated part of the ASL language. I felt that since this Deaf project is taking the place of true interaction with Deaf persons as required for my ASL 5 class; it should in the least be told from the Deaf perspective, as much as I am capable of relaying. Ideally, I would have loved to block out all sound and to have traveled in Literal Silence; but even the best of headphones don’t cancel all sound. Had I been wearing huge headphones it would have rendered me unbelievable as a Deaf person and therefore also skewed my project reporting of how the Deaf are treated in a predominately Hearing world.